There are unwritten rules about visiting winery tasting rooms. Living a few miles south of Napa/Sonoma, a hop-skip-and-a-jump north of the Livermore Valley, and within a day’s drive to the vast majority of the wine made in California has lead me along to many a tasting room. And there are rules. Unwritten rules, but rules nonetheless.

Unwritten, that is, until today.

“Don’t Be That Guy” (or “Gal,” don’t want to be sexist and infer that women can’t also be drunk idiots) is a great way to learn about life and to learn as you go through life. There are cautionary tales all around us, we need only open our eyes. It is with that in mind that I came up with the following–now written–rules.

The Rules Of Wine Tasting

1. Don’t pregame — Seriously. You’re not in college. Stop it. And even if you are in college, stop it! In case you don’t know, “pregaming” is drinking before you drink. Back in college, if we were going out to a bar, we’d “pregame” at someone’s house or apartment in part because it’s cheaper to drink outside of a bar setting, and in part because the bars were boring early in the evening and we had nothing better to do. I remember being in Sonoma for some wine tasting with friends, and seeing a party bus pass by us while we picked up sandwiches and water. Clearly visible through the window was a case of Coors Light. Coors Light, for pete’s sake!

2. Bring food and water — Speaking of which, it’s a lot easier to keep from making a damn fool of yourself if you have some water to sip between wineries, and some food to put in your belly. And no, the table crackers or breadsticks or whatever offered at many wineries don’t count. Bring or buy something substantial.

The best part is this approach works whether you’re buying on a tight budget or you’re a big-money baller. Just buy one more bottle than you’re going to need & put it away. Do that the next time & the next & the next. Soon enough you’ll have a nice little cellar built up!